So lonesome I could cry.

February 8, 2005 § 6 Comments

Once again, melancholy has struck. Seems I’m in another downward swing in the great pendulum of how-I-feel-about-my-single-state. I just hate feeling like there is nothing i can do about it. And I hate whinging on about it as I am so apt to do when I find myself in this place. Complain complain complain.

I’m not bitterly disappointed or anything like that. Just wistfully hopeful(?) I guess. Whatever it is is, I feel like I’m spinning my wheels again, and i don’t know a way out of it.

I’m 29. I want to get married. TICK TICK TICK.

Actually, it isn’t my biological clock (I think I’d rather adopt than have my own kids, actually) it’s just this… hollow spot. Like an empty shelf.

Gah!!! The wait is slowly driving me mad. Logically, I know I am in school, and the logistics of a relationship moving towards marraige would probably be ill-timed. But I just don’t even care about that right now. Having NO prospects is killing me. I pray, and lament, and beg….

Jesus encourages us to keep on asking. Like the woman with the unjust judge. “I know I neither regard man nor fear the LORD, but to get this woman OFF MY BACK I will give her justice!” Ok, loose paraphrase, but that’s basically the point of the parable. Because she wouldn’t stop pestering him, he gave her what she asked for– even tho he personally had no regard for her or doing the right thing. And we are commanded to take the same approach with God, tho He DOES care, very much so.

But why’s He gotta take so long.

Waiting waiting waiting. ugh

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§ 6 Responses to So lonesome I could cry.

  • frodo_esque says:

    Totally understand
    Hey there DiamondTook!
    I’m a 29 year old single gal as well, and I totally understand your frustration. It’s hard sitting there waiting for some unknown (or known) person to come in and sweep you off your feet. Have you thought about proactively joining clubs or a singles group? I’m a part of a few clubs which have scored me some dates in the past–it just helps to put yourself out there.
    The most important thing however is to focus on the wonderful things you *do* have in your life. For a whlie there, I was so focused on the fact that I didn’t have a guy that I disregarded the blessings that were thriving all around me. It’s really all about perspective.
    It also helped me to find a group of single girlfriends as well–so we can bitch about men together (or lack therof) 😉
    ‘esquey

  • DT says:

    Re: Totally understand
    Thanks, ‘esquey! It does help to have single girlfriends– I’m rapidly running out!! lol
    I’ve actually been trying out the online singles thing. But that’s just not for me. I’m also trying to be more “involved” in general, hoping to “throw myself in the path of other rich men,” as Mrs Bennet put it.
    What is a pain tho, is the “watched pot syndrome.” Wondering *every single time* you meet a guy “Could he be the one?” I hate that– and it’s so involuntary.

  • silver_nyssa says:

    Re: Totally understand
    “Wondering *every single time* you meet a guy “Could he be the one?” I hate that– and it’s so involuntary. ”
    Oh good I’m not the only one who does that! Granted, I’m 10 years behind you guys, but whenever I meet a guy a school that same thought goes through my mind.

  • Re: Totally understand
    What is a pain tho, is the “watched pot syndrome.” Wondering *every single time* you meet a guy “Could he be the one?” I hate that– and it’s so involuntary.
    That drove me crazy when I was single. Every single time a guy so much as glanced my way, I was sizing him up as a potential lifemate. Gave me no end of headaches! The ironic thing was that the man I was waiting for to sweep me off my feet… yeah, he was standing in the wings of my life the whole freakin’ time! I was so busy looking out for Mr. Right, that I didn’t even notice Mr. Right-Beside-Me!
    Not that it’s much of a ‘strategy’, or anything like that… I’m just sayin’
    {{{DT and ‘esquey}}}

  • DT says:

    Re: Totally understand
    I was so busy looking out for Mr. Right, that I didn’t even notice Mr. Right-Beside-Me!
    That’s so awesome MM! It would be great to be able to have that shared history with someone. You had a foundation already laid. Unfortunately, I don’t even have a “Mr Right-Beside-Me” I don’t know anyone! lol I’ve actually done mental inventory of the people I know, and i literally know no single eligible men. It’s kinda sad, really. lol Well… that’s not true. i do know two, but both have severe issues, and we aren’t exactly compatible. ha!

  • carolyn777 says:

    Well, you remind me of my younger sister and that’s a good thing! 😉 She’s in your shoes, but a bit older. She, just recently started dating more frequently. She’s doing it all! Those speed-dating things, the Yahoo-dating, friend match-ups, blind dates, dates with guys from the gym, etc. She was quite unhappy just waiting so she went out and met a lot of nice guys. Nothing permanent yet, but she’s having fun and happier getting out. If nothing else, she said, it breaks up the week! My volleyball friends have just started doing the e-dating thing. They are having a blast because they’re doing it together. And they send our whole volleyball team (many old, broken married folk, like me!) emails with the guy’s profile and picture and she tells us how the dates went. All of them are very selective, but they are meeting people.
    Anyway, it’s not for everyone, for sure, but it sure makes the waiting a bit more bearable! 😉
    And I agree with Esquey, there, about focusing on the good things. I spent a better part of two years pining over a third child, when I already had two great ones! I just *always* wanted three and my husband didn’t. I was bitter and nasty and it’s just a horrible time and energy-waster. Perspective is a good thing! 😉

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