Poor Baby Update
September 23, 2009 § 20 Comments
Due to a congenital birth defect, I only developed one breast. The resulting asymmetry was “corrected” when I was 20 through breast augmentation surgery: an implant was put in my undeveloped left side, and my right side was reduced to make them even. The doctor told me that he would do all he could to preserve any future nursing ability, but my chances of being able to breastfeed from the reduction side were essentially 50/50. Since I had no breast tissue on the left side, it was unlikely it would ever produce any milk.
Fast forward to today. For the past month, I have been trying very hard to breastfeed my daughter, and to all appearances, I was producing milk– I had a feeling of fullness before feedings, my milk would leak (surprisingly from both sides!) and I sometimes woke up in a milk puddle in bed. But before I went to the doctor’s office, I pumped milk, since I wasn’t sure if we would still be in the car by the time of her next feeding.
I pumped about half an ounce.
I have essentially been starving my daughter to death with constant feedings. The doctor confirmed that she still hasn’t gained any weight. My anatomy just doesn’t support the ability to supply enough milk for her to live.
So we need to step up the supplementing to full bottles with each feeding. I will continue to breastfeed her, because what little milk I do make is still full of stuff she needs, and every little drop counts. She’ll still get all the antibodies, and the brain food she needs, plus the benefits of nursing at my breast. But still this is very disheartening. And disturbing to know that she hasn’t been getting enough to eat.
Talk about mommy guilt…