For the Generally Interested.
October 7, 2009 § 4 Comments
Tonight, I began to become suspicious of my mood. The past six weeks have had a cast of surreality about them that at times has caused me to stop and think, “Is this really happening?” By and large, finding an infant in my arms that “belongs” to me somehow is something I have yet to wrap my head around. That’s not the worrisome part– I’m sure every new parent goes through some variation of that.
But the past few days have led me to a place of withdrawal, and beginning to feel disconnected from everything around me. Including my daughter. I feel the stress of the last six weeks is finally beginning to take it’s toll, and I may be on the verge of a depression. The signs are there anyway. Good thing I see my shrink on Friday. He’ll likely up my Zoloft. I should also probably up the Lamictal as well, since the problem with antidepressants is that they can push me into a manic episode. And as much as I’d like a clean house, the manic rages are not something I want to expose my tiny baby to. Leave that for when she has mobility and can avoid Mama’s moods down the road.
I so do not want to become Mommy Dearest. Though, really, wire hangers totally warrant a freak out. They are Evil.
Just as a note, I did discuss my mood concerns with Matt. And will probably let my mom know tomorrow, since she will likely want me to come over there for the rest of the week. I hate going to my Mom’s during the day. Sure, it may be safer for me in general, but UGH it’s boring.
Well, I think I am about done expressing nourishment for my infant. Hopefully I can get back to sleep a little before she wakes up demanding said nourishment.