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So lonesome I could cry.

February 8, 2005 § 6 Comments

Once again, melancholy has struck. Seems I’m in another downward swing in the great pendulum of how-I-feel-about-my-single-state. I just hate feeling like there is nothing i can do about it. And I hate whinging on about it as I am so apt to do when I find myself in this place. Complain complain complain.

I’m not bitterly disappointed or anything like that. Just wistfully hopeful(?) I guess. Whatever it is is, I feel like I’m spinning my wheels again, and i don’t know a way out of it.

I’m 29. I want to get married. TICK TICK TICK.

Actually, it isn’t my biological clock (I think I’d rather adopt than have my own kids, actually) it’s just this… hollow spot. Like an empty shelf.

Gah!!! The wait is slowly driving me mad. Logically, I know I am in school, and the logistics of a relationship moving towards marraige would probably be ill-timed. But I just don’t even care about that right now. Having NO prospects is killing me. I pray, and lament, and beg….

Jesus encourages us to keep on asking. Like the woman with the unjust judge. “I know I neither regard man nor fear the LORD, but to get this woman OFF MY BACK I will give her justice!” Ok, loose paraphrase, but that’s basically the point of the parable. Because she wouldn’t stop pestering him, he gave her what she asked for– even tho he personally had no regard for her or doing the right thing. And we are commanded to take the same approach with God, tho He DOES care, very much so.

But why’s He gotta take so long.

Waiting waiting waiting. ugh

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